Saturday, December 5th, 2009
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9:23 am
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i knew it when i saw it. the first time i have ever seen it so clearly. eleanor looked at me from across the kitchen table and there was this look in here eye: i am gonna be a deviant little fucker today.
yep. she is living up to that look so far today. at two years, three months i suppose i have had it pretty easy since i have yet to see it until now. but wow, deviant little fucker.
off to the gym to run it off.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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12:18 am
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Thursday, December 3rd, 2009
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5:55 pm - t h e f u c k i n u s u a l
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i am doing the fuckin right thing cuz i am the right fuckin person cuz this all equals some other part of the equation where a fucking solution is purchased sight unfuckin seen i am doing the fuckin right thing cuz i am the right fuckin person cuz this all equals some other part of the equation where a fucking solution is purchased sight unfuckin seen i am doing the fuckin right thing cuz i am the right fuckin person cuz this all equals some other part of the equation where a fucking solution is purchased sight unfuckin seen i am doing the fuckin right thing cuz i am the right fuckin person cuz this all equals some other part of the equation where a fucking solution is purchased sight unfuckin seen all work and no fuckin play make savonarola something something all work and no fuckin play make savonarola something something all work and no fuckin play make savonarola something something all work and no fuckin play make savonarola something something all work and no fuckin play make savonarola something something i am doing the fuckin right thing cuz i am the right fuckin person cuz this all equals some other part of the equation where a fucking solution is purchased sight unfuckin seen i am doing the fuckin right thing cuz i am the right fuckin person cuz this all equals some other part of the equation where a fucking solution is purchased sight unfuckin seen i am doing the fuckin right thing cuz i am the right fuckin person cuz this all equals some other part of the equation where a fucking solution is purchased sight unfuckin seen i am doing the fuckin right thing cuz i am the right fuckin person cuz this all equals some other part of the equation where a fucking solution is purchased sight unfuckin seen
current mood: dry, have a drop to spare?
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009
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4:57 pm - s i g h
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Monday, November 30th, 2009
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11:40 pm - i w a n n a p l a y
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my five and why.
1 Johnny Cash (His own story is as interesting as the ones he tells us about. And no matter how rough or painful it still feels sympathetic.)
2 Elvis Presley (Those who say they don't like Elvis are just on the anti-E bandwagon. Great pipes and the classic american tale of stardom to dust. Supernova)
3 Billie Holiday (as she hands you coal porters visions you always, unmistakenly take them for her own. always.)
4 Nina Simone (Two words: Unique and talented. Those two are rarely so strong an attribute and not paired with something hard to stomach. She was sweet.)
5 Patsy Cline (Dude, it's Patsy.)
handed over from ms S and ms L.
you can play here.
There were only a few hesitations on the list - not many. These five all have very solid emotional connections (not that ella and leonard don't) but these five just seemed to fit naturally in the circle.
how's that lack of perc treating me? up at 4.30 - sooo, that good.
current music: Johnny Cash - Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
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6:47 am - g o o d m o r n i n g w o r l d
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Thursday, November 26th, 2009
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10:17 am
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it could be a sign.
i used to refer to the trees as they changed in season as moving to yellows, and reds and oranges.
recently, to me, they seem to be coppers and golds trimmed or fused with garnet.
wondered how i made that change and when. and why?
perhaps it is that life is precious. not sure.
on a totally unrelated note: i cooked a pound and a half of bacon today.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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7:51 am - w h o d a t h u n k i t
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this is indeed a good day to start out hungry.
and my tummy is a growlin.
current mood:  hungry
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
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7:29 pm - f u c k i n h e l l
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there's a fuckin spot:
I'm not sure what I'm looking for anymore
I just know that I'm harder to console
I don't see who I'm trying to be instead of me
But the key is a question of control
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, November 24th, 2009
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9:11 pm - m i l e h i g h
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4:20 am
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the amount of freedom you enjoy is ultimately determined by the number of masters you serve.
oh yeah, and this time around there is just way too much grey in my goatee.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, November 23rd, 2009
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4:02 pm - f u c k i s t w e n t y f o u r
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i think that the word fuck is one of the most under rated under utilized too easily looked down upon words in the english fucking language - it is such a versatile expression - hence my recent pleasure with Deadwood. Cocksucker gets used quite a fuckin lot on deadwood and for some reason there is a stronger sexual connotation with cocksuker than mother fucker so i don't use it that often. it works alright but for cocksuker i just usually pass off a fuckin'asshole or god damned prick. but like i was fuckin saying. . . .
fuck.
why is it the short fuckin weeks always seem like they are gonna be the longest? oh i know why, its because you still do the same amount of fucking work it's just in three fucking days instead of five.
apparently they took out the fuckin juke box in the small bar at the back of cafe venus. now, there are not many things that want to keep me out late drinking too much feeding recently decrinkled dollar bills into a machine but where else can i let my fucking buzz run wild and thrill my ears to surfer rosa and the downward spiral? kid a? cash, cline and the clash? all fuckin gone. the big disappointment was the nails going missing. i have had manny a fuckin jolly roger whispering reptile to myslef. p and i think there might be good cause to hit the karoke nite there and request every fucking song off the downward spiral in succession and do a shot before performing each track. we should be good and ripped by ruiner and completely fuckin sloshed by eraser. then shoot the fuckin place up all tony scott style.
so, when i say that the juke box leaving venus is a fucking tragedy you better take it fuckin seriously. that shit is totally fuckin whack.
fuck down and two to go.
current mood: fuck
current music: and give you two guesses as to what i am fucking listening to.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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5:13 am - s h o u l d n t b e a s g o o d a s i t i s
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the new heavy on rotation:
it is blend of a lot of shit; those who know me know that i am not into these retread bands (80's/90's do-over sound) but there is something fierce and genuine about most of the album.
the opening track, crystal visions, sucked me in like a secret little fetish: walls of sound moments pealed back like my favorite Verve and Bloody Valentine days paired with lyrics and a vocal tone that make it work seemlessly, effortlessly (i could seriously loop the first track for a long time and listen to it again and again in the car.)
with the exception of two tracks (clearly intended to be singles) the album is an exhilirating push for me into places long forgotten with a few new horizons. asked the mrs to listen to it and she said she liked it but that it was, "too slick." to that i replied, "i was just thinking 'finally, it's about time someone mastered an album correctly.' in the end it is a well produced, well mastered, well written album from beginning to end very similar in versatility to Garbage's first release.
this will be the first album that i have dug into seriously in about six or seven years - and it's a retread!
i advise: you check it the fuck out.
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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Friday, November 20th, 2009
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5:03 pm - w h e n i d r e a m
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i would like to make a short form where all the music is variations of misirlou and amazing grace and all the dialogue is from beatles lyrics but in the context of another story.
i am render.
i think this will be my christmas present to myself.
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, November 19th, 2009
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2:29 pm
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i can no longer see the ends to some of the things i have begun.
for a pragmatist this is a total fucking nightmare.
current mood: pete dayton
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
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5:49 pm
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Two protons expelled at each coupling site creates the mode of force the embryo becomes a fish that we don't enter until A-plate we're here to experience evolve the little toe atrophy don't ask me how I'll be dead in a thousand light years thank you thank you Genesis turns to its source reduction occurs stepwise though the essence is all one end of line. FTL system check diagnostic functions within parameters repeats the harlequin the agony exquisite the colors run the path of ashes fifty-two percent of heat exchanger cross-collateralized with hyper-dimensional matrix upper senses repair ordered relay to zero, zero, zero, zero. Two protons expelled at each coupling site creates the mode of force the embryo becomes a fish that we don't enter until A-plate we're here to experience evolve the little toe atrophy don't ask me how I'll be dead in a thousand light years thank you thank you Genesis turns to its source reduction occurs stepwise though the essence is all one end of line. FTL system check diagnostic functions within parameters repeats the harlequin the agony exquisite the colors run the path of ashes fifty-two percent of heat exchanger cross-collateralized with hyper-dimensional matrix upper senses repair ordered relay to zero, zero, zero, zero. Two protons expelled at each coupling site creates the mode of force the embryo becomes a fish that we don't enter until A-plate we're here to experience evolve the little toe atrophy don't ask me how I'll be dead in a thousand light years thank you thank you Genesis turns to its source reduction occurs stepwise though the essence is all one end of line. FTL system check diagnostic functions within parameters repeats the harlequin the agony exquisite the colors run the path of ashes fifty-two percent of heat exchanger cross-collateralized with hyper-dimensional matrix upper senses repair ordered relay to zero, zero, zero, zero. Two protons expelled at each coupling site creates the mode of force the embryo becomes a fish that we don't enter until A-plate we're here to experience evolve the little toe atrophy don't ask me how I'll be dead in a thousand light years thank you thank you Genesis turns to its source reduction occurs stepwise though the essence is all one end of line. FTL system check diagnostic functions within parameters repeats the harlequin the agony exquisite the colors run the path of ashes fifty-two percent of heat exchanger cross-collateralized with hyper-dimensional matrix upper senses repair ordered relay to zero, zero, zero, zero. Two protons expelled at each coupling site creates the mode of force the embryo becomes a fish that we don't enter until A-plate we're here to experience evolve the little toe atrophy don't ask me how I'll be dead in a thousand light years thank you thank you Genesis turns to its source reduction occurs stepwise though the essence is all one end of line. FTL system check diagnostic functions within parameters repeats the harlequin the agony exquisite the colors run the path of ashes fifty-two percent of heat exchanger cross-collateralized with hyper-dimensional matrix upper senses repair ordered relay to zero, zero, zero, zero.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
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6:23 am
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weird fucking dreams abound for the last week. some delicious, some revolting. i believe the ancient ones are leaking fragments of alternate universes to me in my dreams.
the stars have aligned.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Thursday, October 29th, 2009
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7:01 am
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everything is not in it's right place. sometimes it feels like i have known that for a really long time and other times it feels like it is a recent discovery. it wreaks of denial if you ask me.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
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4:39 pm
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leg day at the gym or a shot of tequila and a long, hot water heater draining shower?
or maybe a shot of tequila in the steam room - nah not good enough.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, October 20th, 2009
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5:02 pm - Writer's Block: Ohhh, baby
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no.
the greatest plague of our times is irresponsible reproduction. there are thousands and thousands of children out there that need parents. thousands of babies have been let out of the womb into this universe and left alone because parents were either too young or too religous to make a tough decision or behave responsibly. hell, there are millions of reasons out there why someone may have to give up their child.
for most of my life i have always known that i wanted to be a father at some point. if nature didn't take it's natural course i would not spend thousands of dollars just to have a mini-me running around out there. that is irresponsible. my selfishness in that case should not lead to another kid kicked from foster parent to foster parent until they are let loose on the world. several of my friends are adopted and in some of the cases there were already natural children in the families prior to the adoption. that is great, it is crazy, but some people find that as their purpose. there is a lot of love involved in that sort of thing.
adopted or otherwise there is no other feeling in this life that even comes close to the moment where you realize it, where you feel it, when you understand that the life you are holding in your arms is completely dependent on you for it's survival. you are responsible for that life and ultimately for charting the early stages that will determine it's fate.
i also know that giving up a child for adoption is in no way an easy thing to do. i cannot imagine having to be in a position where i would have to give up my child because i could no longer provide for her. i would do everything within my power to help a friend, family member or loved one through whatever hurdles they would face if they were in a situation where adoption was concerned. if it meant helping them let go than that is what i would do. paradox is a really, really strange beastie sometimes.
think about adopting.
now,
if this is a simple question of friends with benefits i will say this: sperm is a non-refundable deposit. once it is out there there ain't nothing you can do about it. no way, no how. so becareful where you shoot that thing.
current music: Sinead O'Connor - The Last Day of Our Acquaintance
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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savonarola's journal